Chapter Seven

Chapter 7


New Years Eve 1890



“Dear, why don’t you wear that brown dress that Charity gave you for your birthday for tonight’s service?” Ma asked me while she was working on her needlepoint in the parlor. I have yet to wear that dress for it makes me look like a frumpy horse.
“Ma, I was planning on wearing my green silk dress. I think it looks great with my eyes.”
I just hoped Ma agreed and says yes. I stopped my knitting. I looked into the eyes of the one woman that could make me feel safe or make me want to hide under the covers. Ma smiled, though small it was a smile. Ma rarely smiled. She felt adults should not show emotion it was a weakness. I on the other hand felt it was a strength. Showing your emotions to me help me cope with the world. She put down her needlepoint and took my hand.
“Dear, you may wear your green dress. Just promise me you’ll wear the brown dress to next Sunday’s service.” Might as well agree to it.
“I promise.” She released my hand and continued her needlepoint. I pick up my knitting and resumed knitting a scarf for Gamma.
I cannot say why I want to wear the green dress. It was my best dress, and it really brought out my eyes. I refuse to admit I want to wear it for Will. It’s simply just a coincidence that it’s Will’s favorite color. I wonder what would be Will’s reaction when he saw me in the dress. Would he like it or completely ignore it? Would I see the sparkle in his eyes I love oh so much?
Whoa, where did that come from? I felt the red creeping up my neck all the way up to my hairline. I so hope Ma do not notice the sudden color in my complexion. I ducked my head trying to hide it. I peek a look a Ma under my lashes. She’s still engrossed in her needlepoint. I inwardly exhale. She did not notice. I would get an onslaught of questions if she saw. I pick up my knitting and pack it up in the basket. I need fresh air. I stand up and head towards the door, hoping Ma does not question me. Ma looks up at me with her brows up in silent question. I smile. “I need some fresh air I shall finish the scarf later.” I quickly make an exit.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I felt rather than saw Will jogging toward me. I sit on the porch swing looking towards the mountains. They look so beautiful at this time; the sun was almost behind them. This was like a tradition with me. On New Year’s Eve I always sit on the porch and watch the sun go down. I sit there thinking of the past year, and what is to come in the next.
The sunset is gorgeous tonight. It’s as if the colors and intensity of the light is just enough to calm you. The sun is like a great big romantic, inspirational fire in the sky.
It’s as if a powerful symphony was quieting down, becoming more emotional and beautiful as it dies down. Its rays seem friendly. They remind me of an old friend, waving goodbye to you. With it’s fingers of pink and purple waving goodbye.
I hear boots on the boards of the porch and my heart does a flip. My heart needs to stop doing this. I refuse to look into those eyes, so much like mine. The steps slow down and soon stop in front of me. I continue to look at the sunset. The sun is now completely behind the mountains and the last rays of sun is slowly descending down. I see the first star blinking in the sky.
I know Will is still standing there but I don’t think my mind could handle it. I glance at Will under my lashes and see he is not staring at the sunset but at me. I feel the blush creep up my neck again. I quickly turn my eyes from him and look again at the mountains. I feel Will sigh in my soul. How do I have such a connection with him?
I feel Will look at me and then slowly walk to the porch swing, I feel him sit down. I finally sum up enough courage to look at Will. I slowly look up. He’s staring at me again! What’s that emotion in his eyes? Endearment? Affection? Dare I think love? No, that can’t be love. He slowly smiles. I feel my lip twitching up of its own accord. I need to break the connection but I can’t make myself do it. Will leans ever so slightly forward. I need to look away and move away. I quickly look away and stand up. I need to walk away, I need to be able to breath normally again.
I run off the porch to the barn, hoping he does not follow. I walk into the barn out of breath. I hunch over and grab my knees trying to catch my breath. I know I should be inside with my family, but I just need some time to myself. I need time to sort through what happened on the porch or lack there of. I can’t believe what Will almost did. Can he actually have feelings for me? I refuse to contemplate what happened.
I see Shining Star in her stall. I usually feel better once I brush Shining Star. I pick up a brush and head towards her stall. Shining star is about to foal any day now. Shining Star whinnies when she sees me. I step into her stall and gradually brush her and whisper calming things to her. Shining Star is a great confidante for people. I always come to her to talk to. Best part is she does not judge me.
I hear a noise behind me and my heart flutters. How does my heart automatically know who it is? I turn around to see Will in the doorway of the barn. The light in the barn illuminates his sandy colored hair to a golden color. Will slowly walks towards me. I drop the brush in my hand and step out of the stall. I meet him halfway. He clears his throat and puts his hands in his pockets. I recognize the movement as what he does when he’s nervous. I find it quite endearing that he’s nervous to be near me. I smile to try to help him not be so nervous. His smile is more of a nervous smile. He looks down ad clears his throat again. “Lizzy?”
“Yes, Will?”
“I uh, well, I uh, what I’m trying to say is, uh,” He clears his throat again. “Lizzy, you’re not making this any easier.” He smiles his amazing smile.
“Making what any easier, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What I’ve been trying to say is, uh,” he laughs nervously. He reaches for my hand and I gave it to him. “Lizzy,-”
“What’s going on in here?” Pa’s face was grim and his eyes radiated anger.